The Anti-Networking Guide to Meaningful Connections
If traditional networking feels like trading business cards with strangers, this guide shows a different way. Learn how small, authentic interactions compound into lasting professional relationships.
Raise your hand if you prefer small gatherings of like-minded people over crowded networking events full of strangers, where exchanging contact information feels like trading cards. If you’re anything like me, especially as an introvert, the mere thought of it makes you uncomfortable, like a homework assignment that isn’t fun, but you know you have to do it anyway. I dreaded the advice of “you need to increase your network,” not because I didn’t see the value, but because the process seemed too transactional for my taste. That is, until I met Mindaugas.
I met him back in 2021. He was leading On Deck Design, and I was applying to join. He asked me what I could offer to the design community, but I barely knew anyone in the industry, so I froze. This realization encouraged me to make a change, despite the geographical distance to tech hubs. It marked the beginning of my journey of learning how connections could be built in a way that felt authentic to who I am.
This is why, when I finally decided to write this article, I knew Mindaugas was the perfect person to partner with. With a long track record of connecting designers, either as a recruiter or by building communities, he understands the impact of meaningful connections. Traditional networking doesn’t cut it in today’s job market, so this is how we’re doing it, how you can get started, and we’ve also included a few personal anecdotes we’ve experienced over the years.
The Anti-Networking
When the word “networking” comes up, common wisdom suggests that you should:
Grow your LinkedIn connections exponentially to become a top voice
Ask strangers for referrals, since those will surely get you an interview
Cold-message influencers, asking for a portfolio review, because they have to help the community
Attending as many in-person events as possible, to talk to as many people as humanly possible
Just looking at the list feels misaligned with how authentic relationships actually form. No wonder people have a strong aversion to the concept of networking as a whole. If you take this approach, it can feel like crossing an item from a long list of tasks to have a stronger network… supposedly.
With the current job market, posting on LinkedIn or Twitter that you're hiring is like asking to be flooded with hundreds of “I’ve applied,” “I’m interested,” or AI-generated DMs in a matter of hours. Playing a numbers game is not helpful for anyone involved because you look exactly like that, just a number.
Over the years, I’ve lost count of how many times strangers have landed in my DMs with the same blunt request: “Hey, I see you have a big network. Can you introduce me to people?”
That’s it with no context and zero effort - straight to the ask. It’s wild when you really stop to think about it. We’ve all become more accessible thanks to social media, and that’s mostly a good thing. But somewhere along the way, some people started to confuse accessibility with obligation. Just because someone’s inbox is open doesn’t mean you’re entitled to their time, or their network.
The ask itself is fascinating: We don’t know each other. There’s no background, no specificity, no relationship. It’s like walking up to a stranger at a party and asking them to vouch for you with all their friends, sight unseen. Even if I wanted to help, all the work lands on me: figure out what you want, scan my mental rolodex, make connections on your behalf without so much as a proper hello. It’s not just a big ask. It’s a miss on what makes connections meaningful in the first place.
— Mindaugas
We’ve all experienced this at some point, either by taking the advice of growing our network fast or receiving such requests, but the good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Connecting Without an Agenda
Let’s start by stating what this new way of connecting is not:
It's not a transaction → It’s about building relationships
It's not a numbers game → It’s about getting to know others individually
It is not an overnight solution → It takes time to nurture each relationship
If we take away the traditional approach, it can feel as if we don’t have anything to get started with, because the common misconception of first-time conversations is that you need to offer something in order to receive something else in return. But what if there are other ways to kick off a conversation? In our experience, the best connections start without an agenda, and here’s how we do it:
Everything changed when I started sharing the things I was building, especially prototypes I hacked together out loud. Suddenly, the conversations that landed in my inbox looked and felt completely different.
Take just last night: an ex-colleague I hadn’t spoken to in years messaged me out of nowhere. He’d built his first idea with Lovable and wanted to share it, just because he saw I’d been experimenting publicly. It wasn’t about a favour or an introduction. It was curiosity, excitement, and a little bit of “Hey, look what I made too.”
I get these messages pretty often now from people I’ve never met who say, “I saw you build that thing, and it nudged me to finally try it myself.” It’s not transactional. It’s the start of a real conversation, and usually, I want to talk to them. When someone reaches out because they paid attention, because they cared enough to create something, it’s night and day from a cold ask for access. It’s an actual connection, not a shortcut.
The difference couldn’t be clearer: One approach is all take, the other is an invitation to build something together even if it’s just a five-minute exchange. I’ll take the second kind every time.
— Mindaugas
Want to stand out from the crowd of mass messages? Don’t just ask, share with curiosity and a personal touch. Building meaningful connections is like gardening: planting seeds, taking consistent care, and harvesting relationships that grow naturally over time.
Remember how I mentioned initially that I didn’t have a strong network a few years ago? I took matters into my own hands to find creative ways of connecting remotely. Having a background in music and illustration, I knew how powerful it is to build relationships through shared interests, so I played to my strengths and leveraged exactly that.
I started doing small interactions with people in the industry whose work or perspective I admired, one message at a time, sharing my thoughts or saying thanks without expecting a reply.
It looked like Twitter replies, DMs, cold outreach, a newsletter reply, or a question during a webinar. Sometimes, I even started out by catching on a reference or replying with a GIF because I wanted to make sure it felt genuine both ways, and it worked like a charm.
Nowadays, when I attend Config in SF, my favorite part is meeting and talking with those friends in real life, built upon years of small but meaningful interactions with a strong compounding effect. If you do it intentionally, you could start those conversations during the event itself.
— Laura
Have you noticed the common patterns happening in these scenarios? We didn’t start by asking for anything, not a follow-back or LinkedIn connection. We didn’t mass-message high-profile individuals to expand our network. All we did was find a topic we were already passionate about, share our thoughts publicly or privately with the author, and keep the conversation going. By leveraging a topic we enjoy, conversations are easier to get started, much like you would at a Comic-Con, and there are many ways to get started with it.
Small Actions That Compound
Now, how can we turn this into action? Similarly to how you could increase your professional visibility, there are broadly three angles you can take to spark conversations:
Creating a serendipity surface area by sharing authentic exploration, increasing the chances for the right people to find you, just like it happened with the Lovable prototypes
Demonstrating how you think, which is what people actually hire for, and we both have seen that happen through our writing
Building relationships based on shared interests rather than networking obligations, and leads to “I’m so happy to finally meet you” when you chat in person for the first time
We’re social by nature, so exploring with curiosity, sharing your thought process, and leveraging your interests is a much better game plan than hoping for people to know you exist. If you want to try this, you can start small with these ideas:
Build something small and share the process
Create small throwaway prototypes to explore new tools, then document how you built them. This is the easiest way to stand out right now, and you can experiment without technical ability.
Engage authentically with others' work
Respond to work that genuinely resonates with you, but get specific about what connected with your own experience, engaging with people whose thinking aligns with yours.
Share your contrarian takes, thoughtfully
Articulate where you disagree with common wisdom, but explain your reasoning clearly. Wes Kao calls it “Spiky point of view,” which is taking a stand on a topic you care a lot about, but most people are afraid to do so.
Find your people through adjacent interests
Engage in conversations that blend your professional work with your personal interests. These intersections reveal more dimensions of who you are and what moves you.
Create low-stakes opportunities for connection
Suggest small, specific ways to continue conversations without big commitments. Instead of “Can I pick your brain?” try “I'd love your thoughts on this prototype.” And if you have a bigger ask, do your work to make it easier to get a yes.
These are just a few ways you can use to get started, and over time, build your own tactics that feel less like a transaction and more like we used to feel when making new friends as kids. Not sure if it'll work? Try us, our DMs are open ;)
Parting thoughts
This anti-networking approach is uncommon, requires patience to see results, and might put you in a vulnerable position. Still, if you’re willing to put in the effort to build genuine connections and remain consistent, you’ll develop deeper relationships that will last longer than a transactional message most will probably never even read.
This approach won't get you hired next week or boost your follower count overnight. What it will do is help you build relationships with people who genuinely care about your success. You don't need profound insights to start, just curiosity about other people's work. Your next meaningful connection is probably one thoughtful message away.
Resources
Config Confidence: An Introvert’s Journey to Conference Success, by yours truly and her experience during Config 2024, even as an introvert in a sea of conference attendees
The career game you didn’t know you were playing, by Mindaugas on how to open up unexpected opportunities over time, as the "right people" start to notice your thinking
What’s In It For Me?, by Dan Mall where he shares in detail how to craft a compelling ask through making the effort of figuring out what they want
How to get an enthusiastic yes, by Wes Kao to learn how to frame your message in a way that makes it easier to get a yes when you ask
It's always more fun to learn with others than doing it alone, so don't hesitate to reach out on Twitter if you want to continue the conversation, you can find Mindaugas on LinkedIn sharing his latest experiments, and make sure to check out his publication Lines Open. If this article has been helpful, share it with a friend!
Over and out,
Laura ✌️
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